it almost kills me

 Hello everyone I'm going to share a story with you that really hurts. 

I had a crush on this particular boy in the year 2020. He is tall, kind, and charming. He's in a separate class—the science stream—so I don't often speak to him. I don't know how I was so brave to start talking to him. What a surprise, he isn't ignoring me. We were laid back, and talking to him was enjoyable.

As we grew closer, we began to discuss some emotional subjects. I definitely feel something for him, but I'm not sure if I should pursue it considering I was just 17 at the time. We discussed how he really feels about me, so it was a lot of fun. 

We made the decision to stick together. Being with someone you've always loved was wonderful. When I had an extra class, he is the one that waits for me every evening. He is the one who constantly reminds me to eat and ensures that I don't skip meals due of my stomach issues. As well as loving me even when I despise myself, he is the one.

The fact that we did everything together back then was a great way for us to create memories before high school ended. We made the decision to take a different course after finishing our SPM. Since we used to spend our time doing activities together, it was initially difficult. In order to ensure that we were aware of one another's actions, we tried a variety of activities. We communicated, went on dates, spoilt and surprised each other. It is difficult to always find time when you are miles apart from each other.

We made the decision to break up after two years. I was devastated and enraged. I do love him, but it doesn't mean I can make him continue to love me once he loses the will to do so. I spent months experiencing my denial periods before thinking of something. It helps me realise that I'm not to blame. I'm learning from it, so I won't love anyone more than myself going forward. I should prioritise myself; I should never have any doubts about doing so. I do get hurt, and I think he is too. But our only choice is to let go. We didn't have a pleasant ending since I was terrified to talk to and see him, but at least I know he has someone who can support him.

I wish you were able to read this to know that I have no regrets about spending all this time with you. You make me incredibly happy. Because I once had such a strong affection for you, I don't despise you. however, I'm happy that you're content right now. 

goodbye

a letter to someone that i love

I understand that life hasn't been easy for you, and I apologise for that. You need to understand how proud I am of you for still enduring those days. I understand that you're exhausted, so don't be too hard on yourself. However, courtesy is requested. I can assure you that all of the suffering and tears will be worthwhile since everything happens for a reason. 

Do not listen to others who try to convince you otherwise since you are the best person to make that decision. I may be the last person you want to see, but you can count on me to always have your back. Simply take in the now, whatever you do. Feel the beat, take in the scenery, and speak your love.

Later on, you might regret not living life to the fullest. I think you'll be OK, so don't be afraid to be in a strange place. Yes, you'll be alright because you naturally possess that talent. the capacity to support oneself. Because you are still here, you are extraordinary. I am aware of your ambitions, and because of how extraordinary you are, I have no doubt that you will succeed in realising your goals. You'll face numerous challenges along the way, but you'll overcome them all. Failure will never stop since it's just a part of life, my love. Do your absolute best as you proceed. You're covered, mate! 

this is for you , nazira <3

be strong, sweetheart

SESAL AND REGRET

Hi, readers!

I guess we're early for this week because I had to do two blog posts in a week. My bad because I didn’t check for last week's theme. Anyway, for this week, we are going to talk about "SESAL."

 

Weh banyak gila lagu pasal sesal? ;sesal mendua, sesal separuh nyawa, beribu sesalan, and tu baru lagu melayu. English songs were many too and one of them was "Back to December" by Taylor Swift.

 

If you asked me, have I ever felt sorry for myself or regretted all these years?

The answer is yes.

There are a lot of things that I regret not realising sooner. I mean everything I did; just make me feel sorry because I don't know if it's something I really want or not. It is not good for your mental health because you are killing yourself with your own thoughts. I'm aware that it's progressively making me detest myself. Thanks to all the wonderful individuals in my life, I have constant reminders that it's okay to feel that way. The fact that I don't need to feel guilty for what has happened is something else they continually emphasising to me. The next one should take priority because that is how we survived.

One time, my mother warned me that I would experience emotions like sadness and rage because I do regret my choice. However, she constantly reassures me that a rainbow will appear after a storm. You are the rainbow itself, therefore resist letting anyone else make you feel that way.

Sweetheart, it is okay to do something different, maybe out of your comfort zone. You don't need to stay in your safe zone forever because you only live once. Either you will regret not trying something new later or you will regret trying something new. For me, I would rather feel regret for doing something new, but at least I learned something.

akibat or consequences

-alexa play consequences by camilla cabello-

Helo helo everyone,

Sorry for this week, we’re a bit late because I didn’t realise the topic had already been there.

So for last week, we had "Akibat" as a theme.

There’s a lot of things that can be said with "akibat", but I guess I'm going to remind all of us of something that we might forget.

We’re humans; we can’t run from mistakes.

We learned from our mistakes, and if there are mistakes, there are also consequences. If we did something, then we have to face the consequences. It doesn’t matter if we did it right or wrong.

There are always consequences.

One thing that I’ve always reminded myself is to not run or turn away from the consequences.  It is because you never learn if you run from it.  Actually, you will grow up when you learn from your consequences. You will not repeat the same mistakes if you know the consequences.

someone told me that; "apa yang kita buat dalam kehidupan seharian, pasti ada akibat sama ada dari sudut negatif atau positif. tapi, sedarkah kita bahawa akibat itu akan menyedarkan kita untuk terus berhati hati dalam membuat sesuatu perkara."

I guess it was true after all, because I'm still here with my consequences.  Do not feel bad or useless because you can always learn from your consequences.

panic with me :p

hi hi everyone, this week topic kita panik

saya nak cerita this one incident, 

waktu cuti deepavali haritu my friends and i went to fraser hill ( healing la konon )then kitaorang gerak la from kl to pahang, everything was fine jalan tak jammed semua sampai la tiba tiba masa dah masuk jalan one way nak naik fraser hill kitaorang stuck in the middle nowhere. ada pokok tumbang so we stuck there for 45 minutes.  at first panic la sebab all of us perempuan, then nasib baik this one uncle helped us. we were panic but still boleh control. ramai la jugak stuck and tunggu untuk pokok dialihkan. luckily, we still manage to get there before maghrib !!

then masa on the way balik, we were lost at first. kitaorang salah masuk simpang nak turun, so makin lama makin ke atas. all of us macam panik tapi kitaorang tak tunjuk la sebab kesian kat kawan yang bawak nanti dia lagi extra panik. so kitaorang yang lain control macho la.  then, we found this one family and tanya balik la jalan ni betul ke tak. oh rupa rupanya kitaorang salah jalan. 

HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAH

it was fun sebab semua orang panic tapi control macho ?? anyway i highly suggest that we go travel and explore new things with your friends.

maybe you’ll panic because things didn’t go well as you expected. dont panic, take a deep breath and slowly find the solution <3